Read My Lips: No More Reviews

Some commended me for my patience and marveled at my high endurance levels. Others, like Baldy, found it hilarious that I’d actually sat down and listened to this bitch of an album – and actually reviewed it! I’d whined about this earlier in this blog, even wondering sometimes if this was the ed’s sadistic idea of having a good laugh at my expense! My first instinct was to savagely rip the album apart, but then better sense prevailed...

Now that the damage [to my eardrums] has been done, I thought why suffer alone when I can post the review here had share this agony with a few visitors to this blog ;) Just kidding! I’m just keeping a promise I’d made to Lip. I hope he comes back to read this.


REVIEW
We heard them sing at the recent Pang Lhabsol festival in Gangtok. Yes, we also took note of that catchy ‘eeya eeya eeyo, o yea o’ refrain of the song which had the revelers dancing to Lhamu and Rebecca’s tunes. Now, we bring you the lowdown on the two songbirds’ latest album Manai Ta Ho - Simply A Heart. The album attempts to do a bit of everything: opening with traditional, folksy tunes, the album progresses towards more contemporary sounds, with upbeat, up-tempo songs occasionally interjecting these tracks.

The album opens with the title track Manai Ta Ho, an I-can-survive-without-you themed song written and composed by Rajen Ghimirey, followed by Samla, an interesting, nicely paced flute-driven folksy duet between Rebecca and Rajen Ghimirey. Another interesting folk tune worth a listen is Kaichimarey Pharia where an excited would-be bride sings praises about her knight in daura surwal and the dream trousseau she wants to wear when she accompanies her beau to his village. Written and composed by Noel Lepcha, it is one of the few songs from the album that stands out.

In fact, Manai Ta Ho boasts of a host of renowned artists and musicians collaborating to put this album together, from veterans like Rajan Ghimirey to the young and rock ‘n’ rolling Abhaya Subba of ‘Ahbaya and the Steam Injuns’. Despite this, the album fails to rise above the mediocre.

Two songs that could have been hit among the lovers of contemporary Nepali music are Katai Kahin and Chunauti Paila if only the vocals had gone where the songs require them to. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Katai Kahin demands much more than Rebecca’s vocals can deliver and all attempts to pull a Hema Sardesai here falls flat. Chunauti Paila is an interesting song - with a dash of bluesy rock - about overcoming obstacles. Though Abhaya’s arrangement sets it apart from other tracks, what puts a dampener to the song is the lack of punch in Lhamu’s vocals, something that this particular song strongly demands.

Another song that should not have made it through the final cut is Party Girls, a Nepali-English bilingual disco track about partying hard - Asha Bhonsle ishtyle - with some weak rap bit thrown in for good measure. Though this is definitely intended to be a dance floor scorcher, we can’t think of any local DJs who’d want to play this one. This song is another example that dance numbers don’t require much coherent lyrics and even arm-farts accompanied by an upbeat tune can do the trick. Hitting the skip button recommended on this one.

The plus point for this album is its lack of those overtly lovelorn songs. Though the theme of ‘having loved and lost’ appears more than a couple of times, it’s handled more positively, with the protagonist choosing to move on instead of dwelling in the bitter past. Ritu Naya is one such up-tempo track with a catchy ‘eeya eeya eeyo, o yea o’ chorus and a little bit of rap. This track, we believe, will be honoured with a repeated play this dassain.

Rating: 2/5

Ain’t that a bitch!

There are times when you are left with only two options.
Option A: Be polite; don’t tell the potty it’s full of shit.
Option B: Be straightforward. Head straight towards the cistern and flush the crap down the toilet.

So you’re telling me I should go for option B? Remind me not to recommend your name for my ‘phone a friend’ option in the next season of Kaun Banega Crorepati.

There’s a music album called Simply A Heart [WTF does that mean?] sitting pretty on my desk for the past couple of hours. I’m supposed to review it. The problem is it’s the shittiest music I’ve heard in a while. And I’ve already rechristened it Simply A Fart.

But can I go nit-picking and rip the album apart?
No.

Why?
Because:
[1] The album’s brought out jointly by two ‘local talents’, which means even if they suck big time, you’re not supposed to write they suck. We should encourage local talent, I’ve been told, not discourage them.

[2] Today the editor of the newspaper I work for received a mail from a reader. This reader, in his mail, had chastised yours truly for not focusing on ‘local talents’ and instead wasting ample space on Rock Star Supernova recaps [Yes, I was running sanitized versions of Supernova recaps there too].

[3] Found out half an hour ago that one of the ‘local talents’ featured in the album happens to be a relative of a relative of my brother’s one time neighbour. I’ve been advised not to be the snake in someone else’s garden of ignorant bliss.

[4] I’d sent the editor a text message about four hours ago stating the problem [“these locals are not even remotely talented”] and which option [‘A’ or ‘B’] was I supposed to utilise. I’m yet to get an answer.

But try as I might, I can’t bring myself to write nice things about something that doesn’t deserve praise. Hell, it doesn’t even merit a review and I have a good mind to play Frisbee with the damn CD! But review it I must. Ain’t that a bitch!

PS. Don’t mind me people, I’m just giving vent to my frustration.
PPS. Just as I was about to hit the Publish button, I received a message from the Ed. ‘You can be tongue in cheek” it reads. Dear Ed doesn’t know what a big mistake she’s just made. [insert BIG EVIL GRIN here]

Kurt Still Rox!

STAY AWAY

Monkey see, monkey do
I don't know why I'd rather be dead than cool
Every line ends in rhyme
Less is more, love is blind
Stay away
Give an inch, take a smile
Fashion shits, fashion style
Throw it out and keep it in
Have to have poison skin
Stay away
God is gay

- Stay Away, Nirvana [Nevermind]

Rock Star: Supernova Finale

Woo-hoo! My boy Lukas Rossi won the Supernova gig and I’m doing a victory dance around the TV set. So underneath all those tattoos, long hair and layers of wrinkles, those three geezers still have some sense left in them to pick up the most creative contestant to infuse some much needed freshness in their music. I hope Lukas gets to have some creative inputs in Supernova’s new album because whatever songs they’ve unveiled so far, I wouldn’t even bother Limewiring them for free. Now, on to the week’s performances and the grand finale recap.

The performance night on the final week was more or less forgettable with Brooke Burke subjecting us to a recap of the final four’s journey towards the top, right from the season’s opening. Yawn. Then we are once again reminded by Brooke and the Supernova boys that a few tour dates are already sold out; I guess creating a sense of urgency will work wonders for ticket sales.

Ryan Star - the king of all things gimmicky - suddenly materialises on stage. The fans voted him for a final encore, we’re told. He plays his original Back of My Car. First time I heard it, I thought it was good. Second time it sounded okay. Third time was an overkill. Zzzz... Anyway, post encore, he plugs his new album in the works, Dark Horse [you’ll have to remember Dave Navarro had dubbed him Ryan ‘dark horse’ Star during the show earlier], and wins a Honda CRV and a Verizon Wireless LG Chocolate cell phone for being the fan’s choice for the final encore. He’s happy and he’s standing on top of that new car. I’d be much happier if he were under the tyres of that Honda. Now get off that stage! Patrice should really have been there singing Radiohead’s My Iron Lung. Now that was an encore-worthy performance!

Blue-eyed Aussie boy Toby finally kick starts thing with Karma Police. But it’s mediocre vocals at best. But hey, did Dave just say that’s the best Radiohead song? Somebody please whack that dummy on the head or gag him with those fishnet stockings he wears on his mitts!

Toby then has Magni join him on guitars on his original Throw It Away. What? Do we really have to listen to the same originals again? I found this song catchy the first few times but now I’ve started finding it painful. Same old arrangement. Same old cheerleader act. I’m bored. And enough with EVS already; writing it on back of Magni’s head was a step too far down the gimmick lane.

Any doubts I had about the Canadian Goth doll Lukas were cleared on the penultimate show as he took on Coldplay’s Fix You and showcased a voice that can be just as sweet as it can be gravelly when he lets it. Then he took a risk of turning the tune into a rock anthem. Unlike Toby, he neither plays to a crowd nor resorts to gimmicks like Ryan but this Toronto boy sure is fun to watch, his rooster strut and all.

While other contestants are content with playing their originals the way they were first composed, Lukas changes things up and performs a stripped down, acoustic version of his Headspin, which, in my humble opinion, sounded better than last time. Oh, I love this guy! Look, there’s Paula Abdul in the audience! Just back from her therapist’s couch and on her way to the bar, methinks.

Up next is Dilana with The Police’s Roxanne, a song that had Chris Pierson - Dilana’s one time bosom buddy - ousted from the show earlier in the season. She opens with an acappella and her voice sounds good without all that grizzle. She even has her remaining three competitors join her to sing backup. Nice move but then again at one point, Lukas’ backup vocals clearly cut through hers. Hah! Nice cover performance overall.

Before doing her original Supersoul [oh, I hate that title], she makes sure to explain it’s a ‘freedom song’, not an angry song. Don’t know about you but I’ve a problem buying that. For me that line “I could have killed you in your sleep” definitely sounds angry. Oh, she’s explaining it’s about letting go of the bad and moving on. Okay, now I get it. If you’re pissed with your spouse, kill him/her. Instant freedom from ol’ grouchy! But I’m still not impressed with her original.

Magni’s the last to hit the stage with Deep Purple’s Hush. He does a good job but still it’s not my favourite performance from the Iceman. But then, with his original When the Time Comes, the Icelandic madman revs things up, but that is after he - quite out of breath after his first song - momentarily forgets the title of his own song! Now his original is a rock song, and it’s actually becoming more appealing to me as time goes on, nevermind Tommy Lee ripping the song as ‘unmemorable’. For him, the only thing worth remembering is his days as Mr. Pamela Anderson.

The next day on the two-hour long finale show, after another yawn-inducing recap of the season, Magni is the first to land in the bottom three, followed by Toby and Lukas. Magni scorches the stage with Jimi Hendrix’s Fire, Toby [who looks the most nervous of all] continues his cheerleader act with Billy Idol’s White Wedding, and Lukas promises Supernova he’ll reacquaint them with a Bittersweet Symphony. Magni’s the first to get the axe. After another round of performances by the remaining three, Toby gets the boot.

Now it’s down to Dilana and Lukas. After endless numbers of commercial breaks and Brooke Burke’s fake smiles, Tommy Lee gets up and says “Lukas, you are our boy!” A quick scan of the audience and you get to see stunned faces of all the girls boarding the Rand Wagon. I’m stunned too but in a good way. Meanwhile, Rossi Posse goes wild.

I had predicted last week it’d be a Toby versus Lukas contest, with Toby eventually winning the gig; this, despite even my mom telling me the gig was up for grabs for Lukas. Well, to repeat an old cliché, mom knows best and I happily eat my words. The best man has won!

Somebody asked me why I think Lukas won. Well, first of all, Lukas had been a Tommy Lee favourite right from day one and Mr. T Lee never really bothered to hide his love for the Canadian Goth doll. Remember the time when Jason criticised Lukas, Tommy told him to shut up! And one has to keep in mind this is a Tommy Lee Project. Writing music is another area where the Canadian set himself apart from rest of the contestants. Lukas is a risk taker, thrives on taking on challenges head-on, and has a natural flair for rearranging songs, even classics, which went in his favour most of the times. Another plus point for him is his undeniable stage presence. Come to think of it, among all contestants, Dilana and Lukas were the only performers who could command attention on stage without resorting to any gimmicks. And he already has a dark and dirty image that Tommy Lee and the rest of the gang would want to be associated with.

I’m glad that Lukas won but I still hate Supernova tracks. I’ll buy his CD after he’s through with those three and comes out with his own stuff. Happy Vegas trip in the meantime.

P.S. Late update courtesy mood swings of the Power Department and my local internet service provider

BIRTHDAY BUMPS!!

Happy Birthday, KS Punk Azz!

i-karma? Who the fuck is Karma??

About time you put to some good use your web designing skills

and get that site up and running!

Cheers! Hick!

Rock Star: Supernova ~ Week 10

It’s just a week to go until Supernova picks their vocalist and Jason Newstead finds this a convenient time to finally get in touch his feminine side – with a little help from Storm Large on the results show. But he’s certainly disappointed with what he’s found, disappointed enough to cry in full view of the audience. Jeez! Can’t we have a drama-free week sometimes? But more of that later.

REALITY EPISODE
This week’s reality episode starts with another unhealthy dose of Dilana’s self-pity crap. She whines she hit a blank during last week’s result show and screwed up the song. Lukas says, “You’re only human, y’know?” Then she does what she does best – point at others’ fault to rise above them. She tells Lukas he did it on Celebrity Skin earlier in the season. Aww... Jeez! Let’s point out the difference in these two situations to poor Dilana here, shall we? In Lukas’ case, he had picked a song he didn’t know off the board whereas for Dilana, she had consciously made the song choice to redeem herself.

Cut to the song selection clip. This week the contestants are required to do a set, comprising of a cover and an original. Dilana again gets into an argument with Lukas over Behind Blue Eyes. Lukas says he wants to do it because it’s a cool song. Dilana wants it because “it is so fitting with what is going on in her life right now”. here we go again! Magni, the super judge, comes to Dilana’s rescue; he triple dares Lukas to do Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On A Prayer. Being the kind of guy who thrives on challenges, Lukas takes up the dare. Dilana then tells the house band she’s familiar only with the Limp Bizkit version and not the original The Who tune! Oh, for Pete’s sake!

The remaining five contestants then have a song writing clinic where they get to write lyrics for a new supernova track. Gilby Clark likes Storm’s work, is disappointed with Magni’s lyrics, thinks Lukas’ song is lyrically great and melodically excellent but is irritated he didn’t complete it, says Toby had the complete song, and is disappointed with Dilana’s clichéd lyrics.

PERFORMANCE NIGHT & RESULT SHOW
On the performance night, we see each contestant performing a set – a cover and an original. First to hop around the stage is Dilana with The Who’s Behind Blue Eyes and her torn calf muscle. They tell us she tore that muscle during the practice, making us wonder what the hell was she practicing with the house band!

She sings The Who tune without her gritty growl on for one whole verse! Can you believe that? But just as I start thinking the girl can actually bring out that soft sexy voice, it’s already time for the return of the growl. But her original Supersoul – a song with a me-against-the-world theme – breaks all records of cheesiness. It’s a ‘screw you’ song to the internet voters, she says. I would like to think she meant people on the internet who have been criticizing her and not her voters. Methinks she needs a Shut Your Trap clinic more than a song writing clinic. Besides, is it really necessary to have a 'super' in your song title just because you're auditioning for a band called Supernova?

On the results show, we see that the voters have return the favour by not voting for her. So there she is in the bottom three, singing a punked out Cheap Trick’s I Want You To Want Me. Decent job but all that hopping around the stage is seriously grating on my nerves now. Can’t she just sit on that stool or something and sing instead of hopping around pathetically like a three-legged pup!

Next on is the Icelandic madman Magni with The Beatles’ Back in the USSR and his original When the Time Comes, which he says he translated from Icelandic. I think he did a better job on the original than the cover. His song’s solid, with a consistent rock beat and tone. Tommy Lee asks him why he sounded the same in both songs. Magni replies because both the songs were sung by him. Oh, I love this guy. But that wiseass mouth of his is not going to win him any points with Supernova.

Or maybe I’m wrong because the next day on the results show, the Iceman is picked by Supernova to perform their new song, which is about love! And this is the part where I go get myself something to munch. I can still hear the song from the kitchen but again am not a whole lot impressed with Supernova.

Storm’s rendition of David Bowie’s Suffragette City, though not vocally dynamic, is entertaining. She is joined on stage by Dave Navarro and they work some good chemistry. The only problem is Storm looks manlier than Dave in her black outfit and fedora. She then introduces her original as What The What Is Ladylike as against her original What The Fuck Is Ladylike title. Nice arrangement, catchy chorus, strong vocals and good stage presence but it’s still not good enough for the voters.

So she’s also in the bottom three the next day, singing Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here. She says it’s for her mom, sheds a tear, starts off the song a little too softly but pushes it up a couple of notches soon and does a pretty neat job overall. Meanwhile, Jason too sheds some tears, showing the world what a wimp he is. Or is it just something in his eye?

Trust Lukas to completely rearrange classics. Taking on Magni’s dare, Lukas is on stage with just a guitar and a couple of spotlights on him and the keyboard player in the background. Though many would disagree, personally I find this stripped down version of Livin’ On A Prayer the best performance of the night artistically. If only he would stop gargling his words.

Next on is Headspin, a song about his love-hate relationship with his mother written during his days as the frontman for Rise Electric, which again is not the best among his Rise Electric or Cleavage originals. Besides, aren’t we all tired of rockers dedicating songs to their mothers? So the next day, he’s in the bottom three for the first time, stubbornly singing Headspin again. Why do I find stubborn people appealing? Is it because I’m stubborn myself?

Toby’s the last contestant to hit the stage with The Killers’ Mr. Brightside. The performance is not a whole lot impressive but the Aussie revs things up next with his original tune Throw It Away and steals the show. Though the anti-drug lyrics are not right up Tommy Lee alley, it’s the catchy chorus that does the trick. Toby’s literally all over the place, running amok, working the crowd, and getting a certain Mr. T Lee to get up and grope his butt in the process.

The next day, he gets the encore and with an oh-oh-oh-oh wins the keys of a shiny black Honda Element. Maybe that was a payoff to Toby to withdraw his sexual harassment claim against Tommy! But that was one classy move on his part to give his love to fellow Aussie Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, killed recently during a marine accident.

Among the three standing on stage, Supernova tells Lukas he can go and sit with his friends. Jason then addresses Storm and Dilana as “Comrades of Rock”. Oh Jeez! This week, Tommy is tired as he’s just back from a Motley Crue/Aerosmith concert so he passes the ‘Tommyhawk’ to Jason who in turn lands the axe on Storm.

Then starts a long speech by Dave Navarro and the Supernova boys. Dave tells her he could have chosen to rock on stage with anyone but he chose her. Then everyone gushes about how they’d love to be her backing band. Hey, wait! Didn’t these morons just axe her from the show? Aww… this is so retarded. The only saving grace here at this point is Storm who thanks everyone and goes out gracefully. Without crying.

Week 11 will see Supernova pick their new vocalist from among the final four. Who will it be? Methinks it’s going to be a Toby Vs. Lukas thing. Will they choose to go with a modern, Goth-rock sound [Lukas] or stick to their fun, old school, hard rock style [Toby]? Though I think Lukas is the most creative among the remaining four, I’m putting my bets on Toby.